You’re kidding me, right?

when life knocks you down

Seriously , it’s not enough that my kid has cancer, I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and  have a cough that makes Puchinni’s  Le  Boheme heroine look healthy!  I’m exhausted, it’s freakin hot and now I’m sick to my stomach and vomiting?  Seriously…  LIFE, what the fuck?

I’ve always believed that I was a pretty good human being.  I donate monthly to a few charities, I’m caring and loving, I give money to the homeless, I’m kind , I support the local Brighton Street Musicians.  I don’t cheat on my taxes (although God knows I should, I  mean could).  Come on, seriously?

 Maybe it’s like that syndrome when a husband gets all the symptoms of his wife’s pregnancy?  Morning sickness, bloating, gas, crankiness…  Maybe highly empathetic, sensitive, intuitive, emotionally freaked out Mothers, experience the same symptoms their sick child experiences?  Hmmmm?  Okay, well just  because I couldn’t find it on Google, doesn’t mean it’s not real thing!  It could be and I could have it!

Maybe… I’m just being tested?

Perhaps the universe wants to see how tough I really am.  You know, what “stuff” I’m made of.  But that makes no sense…  did the Universe really forget the test it put me through just 6 short years ago when by brother died after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer?  Or what about the test from 4 years ago, when the 25 year old young man (that Arielle had fallen in love with) died from osteosarcoma (a form of bone cancer).  What about 23 years ago when lung cancer took my one and only Mom!  For fuck’s sake, what about those life tests?  

Don’t they count. Aren’t I just as strong or even stronger now?

Maybe the Universe is just waiting for me  to say “UNCLE!”  Waiting for me to admit I’m not super-human and graciously just accept my weaknesses and  vulnerabilities.  Perhaps in doing this  I will have learned some amazingly profound life lesson that will afford me the opportunity to move to the next level of human being!

Maybe it’s none of the above.  Maybe it’s just life’s warped and twisted way of getting my attention and screwing around with me.

Well, you know what life…  FUCK YOU!

I laugh at your cancer.  I scoff at your annoying viruses and your vomiting!  I spit in your face and say  “Bitch, is that the best you got?”


6 thoughts on “You’re kidding me, right?

  1. I don’t know how to respond to this. You’re mad and have every right to be. (see how incredibly intuitive I am.) I can only say if I were “life,” I’d be very, very scared of you right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You go Melissa! Take care of yourself! This may sound irrelevant but when I am that down and angry at life, and I’m dealing with three diseases that will never go away and not enough money, I always think of others who have it worse. I see it every day. This does not diminish your suffering or mine, but it really helps me push through sometimes. Love you!

    Liked by 1 person

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