After 4 1/2 weeks, 9 chemo treatments, endless tears, prayers and negotiations with God… I did not expect to hear; “it appears the size of the tumor has not changed and the cancer count has not reduced significantly.”
Arielle and Rich had a meeting with Professor Seckl this morning, I was not there. Why I agreed to let her and Rich have today and not go up London until tomorrow, I have no fucking idea. So, unfortunately I did not get to hear the actual conversation or level of concern (if any) in Prof’s voice, nor did I get to ask the many follow up questions that I now have. …but, this is not the news I expected.
Yes, I know she’s 31. I know this is her life and her illness and that she is more than capable of handing it on her own. I know she doesn’t need her mother to fight her battles for her anymore and that I’m simply a “passenger” on this journey.
But for fuck’s sake this is not the news I expected!!
I’m doing my best to not freak out. I’m trying not go into “Mommy Mode,” I have a call into Professor Seckl and hopefully before the end of the day I will get to discuss Arielle’s condition and ask the many follow up questions I have for him. I will try to remain calm and positive.
…but this is not how I expected Round 2 to begin. It feel’s like the opponent kicked us in the gut, before we even entered the ring!