Worst day so far

Arielle didn’t sleep well last night.

Early this morning they moved her (and her new friend, Misbah) onto a larger ward and they got the last two, crap beds available. Which would you choose, a bed with a view of London, or a view looking directly into the communal bathroom? Yes, even on the oncology ward it’s all about location, location,location.

Her hair, now falling out much more noticeably, reminds me of the leaves that fell so gracefully from the oak trees back in New England, in the autumn. The tiny hairs float off her head as she moves.

Today she experienced the joy of unexpectedly vomiting in her mouth, which hey, has happened to all of us at least once, right?)

To add insult to injury, it took over 30 minutes and two nurses to find a good vein for the chemo port.

…it was then 11:00 am.

The afternoon didn’t bring much of a change. She became very uncomfortable and felt really poorly, about an hour after chemo started. She complained of being cold and tired and I could see her shrinking back into the little girl, she once was.

As she laid there all curled up in a ball, all I could do was stroke her forehead and the sides of her cheeks. The last thing she said before she closed her eyes and fell off to sleep was, “Don’t touch the hair.” I could only smile at her spirit and sense of humour, that was shinning through even now.

Today was the first day, as I sat at the side of her bed stroking her forehead, I had to fight, with every fiber of my being, to hold back the tears.

…time was now 1:47

The rest of this very long and difficult day was spent sleeping, being nauseous, reading, talking, texting, resting and again, just being.


  1. You know – when I click on ‘LIKE” I don’t really LIKE this, I’m just supporting you and all the crap you’re going through. All these things float through my mind to say”This too shall pass” and stuff like that. It’s really meaningless. In reality I’m crying for you and Arielle and feeling totally helpless. Do you know how that feels? Ha, I guess you do.

    All that’s left to say is – I’m praying for all of you and I send my love and support.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I so love you. Thank you for taking on some of this pain… I appreciate your love, tears and support. I also try to tell myself “this too shall pass” but I need/want it to pass NOW! Hahahahahaha as always I want it MY way. Xxxx


  2. The only way I can begin to identify with what it must feel like for you to have to ‘watch’ all of this happening to your sweet girl, is to think about how I felt when the dog I adored, Kramer, was sick for so long and I although I tried my best, I could not make him feel better. I had to just watch and do what I could. It was almost unbearable for me, and he was just my pet. So experiencing this with a child (adult child)…I cannot fully fathom it. Nor can I ever fully understand what anyone with cancer goes through. So the best I can offer is going to the One who fully and completely does understand everything in your heart and mind as well as Arielle’s and ask Him to send wisdom to her physicians, comfort in any way possible, patience in set backs and unpleasant things like moving to an unpleasant room. Ask for unexpected and uplifting moments that come out of nowhere, and for the peace in the storm that only comes from Him. You are strong…He made you that way…but He is stronger. He is your chair. Just climb in Melissa.


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