I’ve been here with Arielle (and Rich) in Dover for three days, or three weeks or is it three hours?
I’m just not sure, because time is just standing still.
One day seamlessly morphs into the next. We get up; take Meds; move the bedding from the bed to the couch and our day begins. I clean, scrub, dust and vacuum before starting all over again. The washing machine hasn’t seen this much action in… well, FOREVER! All this is done in a whirlwind around Arielle who rests on the couch, not really watching TV, not reading, not on her iPad, not doing much of anything, because she’s too exhausted to do much more than just breathe.
This week did not bring good news. Monday’s blood work showed that after 5 more consecutive days of chemo, her cancer markers were up again.
I have no fucking idea why. It boggles my mind and goes against everything I’ve ever believed about chemo therapy. …but cancer doesn’t play by the rules. Cancer makes it’s own rules.
Tomorrow we will go up to Charring Cross Hospital where she will have a CT and MRI and maybe we’ll get some answers.
I’m exhausted, feeling helpless and just want to breakdown and cry until I run out of tears.
God, if you’re reading this Bog, please, please, please make this nightmare end.