Time

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I’ve been here with Arielle (and Rich) in Dover for three days, or three weeks or is it three hours?

I’m just not sure, because time is just standing still.

One day seamlessly morphs into the next. We get up; take Meds; move the bedding from the bed to the couch and our day begins.  I clean, scrub, dust and vacuum before starting all over again. The washing machine hasn’t seen this much action in… well, FOREVER!  All this is done in a whirlwind around Arielle who rests on the couch, not really watching TV, not reading, not on her iPad, not doing much of anything, because she’s too exhausted to do much more than just breathe.

This week did not bring good news. Monday’s blood work showed that after 5 more consecutive days of chemo, her cancer markers were up again.

I have no fucking idea why.  It boggles my mind and goes against everything I’ve ever believed about chemo therapy.  …but cancer doesn’t play by the rules.  Cancer makes it’s own rules.

Tomorrow we will go up to Charring Cross Hospital where she will have a CT and MRI and maybe we’ll get some answers.

I’m exhausted, feeling helpless and just want to breakdown and cry until I run out of tears.

God, if you’re reading this Blog, please, please, please make this nightmare end.

 

 

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14 thoughts on “Time

  1. It’s incredibly shit. I have not the slightest inkling what you’re going through. But I’m thinking of you all and sending uber positive thoughts your way. I can’t think of anything to say that isn’t wishy washy but I really hope for the best for you all. Nobody deserves this but it’ll be so unbelievably good when you beat it so I hope you can look forward to that. Love to you all. Gregor and Cath

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Not much to say. I’m so very sorry for you and Arielle, I can only pray that things get better real soon and that you get some answers quickly that will help you understand just what is happening.

    Please stay as strong as you have been doing. That doesn’t mean that you can’t cry or be sad. You have to be what you are. Arielle will understand and she is a very smart young lady.

    Prayer is very strong and so many are praying. We need to claim the healing that will be coming soon. Please God, hear this prayer and do what only You can do!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Melissa there are no words to say. I wish that all those who are praying for you and Arielle could be there with you to give you support and comfort.

    Prayer is very powerful so I pray that God would heal her like only He can do. It doesn’t matter what the doctors say, but I also pray that He sends word to you through the doctors that will allow you to understand better what is happening,

    You’re certainly allowed to be sad and to cry. Arielle knows that you are human with limits of your own. Just be you and allow her to be her. You are both so incredibly amazing if you allow yourself to be who you are, it will be fine – eventually. If you got through all this without tears, anger, etc. – wow, that would be crazy and nobody would believe it anyway 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Melissa, I want to respond to your last sentence in today’s blog and I think I qualify to speak from experience: I don’t think God read blogs; however, I believe that God will not allow anything to come into your life unless he has a purpose for it. Stay in Faith… and remember one of his promises (Hebrews 13:5)… I will never leave you or forsake you. You and Arielle are going through a process and the timeline is not defined. I pray that God gives you and her grace and strength until you are delivered from the trials and tribulations of this health challenge. You and Arielle will overcome this. It took about two years to recover from each recurrence of Anissa’s brain tumor surgeries. I think God was testing my patience and my faith and trust in Him. His word will not return void. Stay strong. We love you both and will continue to serve as your prayer warriors.

    Liked by 2 people

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