Shut the fuck up!

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To those of you faithful followers still reading my rants on a regular basis, thank you!  You are obviously  made of tough stuff and take responsibility, commitment and friendship very seriously. Good on you!

Frankly, I, myself, am getting a little sick and tired of my rants and my rather unique ability to blither on and on about the same subject, endlessly!

I miss the old me. I miss that woman who could talk to and was interested in a plethora of topics.  The woman who could stand on a “soapbox” and have a good long rant about anything from a disinterested sales clerk (by the way, where has good customer service and basic manners gone?), or world politics (Really Ferguson, really?) to the rights of the dying and yes, why the hell are we here?

I’ve become one dimensional caricature of myself. My repertoire has been reduced to one song… and its not a very catchy one at that!  Cancer, chemo, Arielle and poor, poor pitiful me. Boring!

The problem is I can’t stop!  I have this overwhelming need to purge (via this stupid blog) all the crazy thoughts, feelings, insecurities and fears that I have.  I can only imagine that it’s similar to what a junkie feels when it’s time for that next fix. This overwhelming need to do something that you really don’t want to do, just takes over! You just can’t stop yourself.  And when I don’t get it out, and it builds up and feasters inside, it feels like I’ve like eaten some bad seafood!  Not good. Not good at all.

I, as I’m sure you, look forward to a time when I either am able to write about something else, or I just shut the fuck up!

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24 thoughts on “Shut the fuck up!

  1. Every one deals with such a cataclysmic life event differently. What you are doing is catharsis for yourself – you’ve said it yourself, if you retain all those thoughts you will just explode. It is healthier that way. It’s like walking along a sandy beach with shoes on…every 5 yards you need to stop and shake the sand out to allow you to continue on your journey. If ranting is what it takes for you to continue being a brilliant Mum and support to Arielle then you should continue and never have to justify it to yourself or others. People accept what a difficult time this is and will always be there to support you however you choose to confront the challenge.

    You opening your soul to the world is such a humbling, beautiful, insightful, saddening, uplifting, life-affirming thing. Although you won’t understand it now, what you are actually doing is helping others to see the value of living life. Yes, little consolation to you but you are truly having a terrific impact on those around you. Your pain is inspiring others to live with abundance. That sounds like a selfish or even insensitive thing to say given all that you are having to deal with but you are quite honestly creating a band of followers around you.

    Just be and just do.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Stuart, I feel like you’re my own personal Obi-Wan Kenobi! Sometimes I think you know me better that I know myself which is really freaky! I love the sand analogy, it works for me. If you’re right, if my outpouring of “pain” is in some way helping people see and be grateful for what they have… I’m on top of the world! That would be the coolest thing ever. xxx

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  2. Wonderful comments from Stuart that i share wholeheartedly .You have many talents and communication is one of them -this is your process ,your path and sharing these raw emotions and fears touches everyone of us .Your doing great .Lol n Hugs xxx

    Liked by 2 people

  3. LOVED the cartoon. Funny.
    We all go through different seasons throughout our lifetime and each one has a cause, purpose and outcome that affects us in different ways. You may feel one-dimensional at the moment but its not because you are. We all know that and so do you…but right now, this situation is taking center stage as it should. Everything else should be fading right now as you devote yourself to your daughter’s fight. All who love and care for you are interested in knowing what is happening along the way and appreciate the details and observations you share. How can we walk beside you if we don’t know? We’re all in it for the long haul so keep expressing and sharing with us. L.Y.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahaha I loved the cartoon too! That’s what I feel like when I write, a whole lot of words not a lot of substance… Everyone keeps saying they find my gibber gabber enlightening and motivational… Go figure! Love you. xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My dear Melissa, don’t you dare “shut the front door” on those of us who love you and Arielle. Your blogs make me feel connected and allows me to focus my prayers on specifics. ( I travel from Miami to Dover everyday through your blogs.) You can’t imagine how much you are helping others as you document this journey. I wish I had had even an inkling of what I would endure with my Anissa’s medical challenges from a personal blog such as yours. I had to wade the waters not knowing the depths of the sea. But we made it… and you and Arielle will also. I trust God…He’s done it before and He will do it again. Take care of you and remember to stay in the present, so that you don’t expend unnecessary mental and physical strength on yesterday or tomorrow. Love you, xoxo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear Dottie, I couldn’t shut the front door if I wanted too! The hurricane gale winds will keep it open for soemtime I believe… I wish you had blogged about your wxerience with Anissa… I’l bet it would have been amazingly helpful to me. You taught me lessons for over 25 years! Your blog would have rokced! Love you, xxxx

      Liked by 1 person

  5. We all cope with the good and bad in life in different ways and whatever works for for the individual is the right way – as long as no harm is done. And your rantings do no harm and a great deal of good.
    Good for you – letting it out.
    Good for your family, (who are ‘your’ comfortable chair to relax in) – listening to your familiar voice written here, sharing your pain and feeling closer to you.
    Good for the many followers of your blog, including myself, in a multitude of ways, such as expressed in replies and beyond.
    You express yourself so well, so powerfully, so emotionally, you draw others close to you – wishing you well, wishing Arielle well.
    This blog helps you to cope – and that helps Arielle too. So,keep blogging!
    Good luck tomorrow. Love x

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the lovely comments! I am so very grateful to have people reading my rantings, let alone enjoy them and finding some level of inspiration in them. If people are drawn to this story, because of my words, than I am even more blessed… Arielle and I are happy to have you with us on this journey. Many thanks, xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Having been through a similar experience, I know where you’re coming from, and understand the need to rant. The important thing is that you have people who listen.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Goodness dear woman, don’t be so self effacing…not for one moment have I thought of your writing as boring or one dimensional. What I see is great courage and honesty…and such energy, the energy to express what you feel , what is going on and sharing it. What gift. Thank you…rant away….no part of you is one dimensional, you are an incredible and inspirational woman….Big respect. Big love xx xx

    Liked by 1 person

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