A deal with God


The train trip from Brighton to Dover takes about 2 1/2 hours, so there’s a lot of time to just be by yourself, think and be introspective.

I inevitably started thinking about Arielle and the fact that she has cancer and how unfair that is since she is so young and has a whole life of experiences ahead of her.  This led to my thinking about how old I am (I believe the saying is “as old as dirt”) and how much I’ve experienced in my life. This led to my negotiating (making a deal if you will) with God.

Yes, you know what’s coming….  “Let Arielle get through this and be cancer free for another 40-50 years and take me now, instead”

This thought process brought about the most remarkable epiphany; I have had a fucking AMAZING life! No, seriously, I have had the most fantastic, phenomenal life a person could have!  I mean a regular person, not a Paris Hilton kind of person. Here are some of the highlights!

  • I was born in the 1950’s, which means I grew up in the 60’s, which was the totally best time to grow up in, ever!
  • My parents loved each other and worked hard to give their kids the best they could.
  •  Having the absolute greatest older brothers in the universe was like winning the lottery!
  • Growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, helped me to learn quickly about life, people, friendship and diversity.
  • I almost went to Woodstock, but Mom said “No.”
  • When I was 14, a young hippie couple moved in next door. They taught me about acceptance, love,  music, politics, pot and loving myself.
  • I’ve was an anti war activist at a young age. Marched in rallies and burned my bra during the women’s lib movement.
  • My first job was in a radical bookstore and my name is most likely on an FBI list from 1971! (Not because I did anything wrong, but just because I worked there)
  • I’ve been married three times and I’ve been loved by some genuinely extraordinary men, as well as a few SOBs
  • The man I’m married to now has loved me for a really long time!! God only knows why.
  • I’ve experienced natural childbirth… twice!
  • I have two beautiful daughters, who have made me very proud and two grandsons who I adore!
  • I’ve been rich, poor and everything in between.
  • I didn’t die of a drug overdose like some of my best friends did.
  • I’ve been fortunate enough to have traveled to Italy, France, Germany, Switzerland, Spain, the UK and lots of places in the US.
  • I’ve celebrated New Years Eve in Paris and slept in a Bedouin camp, under the stars in a desert in Jordan
  • I have eaten some of the best food ever made and made myself sick drinking too many Martinis!
  • I’ve met some of the nicest, kindest, most loving, caring people on earth, who I am proud to say are friends and some became family.
  • I’ve had to do things nobody should ever have to do, but glad I did because I am a better stronger person because of it.

All in all, it has been one hell of a journey and if it did end right now, if God accepts this deal, I would have absolutely not one single regret! I have lived my life on my terms, learned from my mistakes and most importantly I have loved and I have been loved.

So if by chance I suddenly turn up dead, as in I’m hit by a meteor, slip through the infamous”gap,” or perhaps fall off one if those cliffs Nick is always taking me to… It’s okay. I’m good with it… It’s all part of a deal, that I got the better part of!


  1. Wow! What a fantastic list, and an inspiring outlook. There’ll be no deals going on Missy (even if you are as old as dirt!), because it won’t be necessary, but it’s completely amazing to let that very natural bargaining process take you somewhere so positive. I feel very energised to start my day now, and yet somehow I realise I better start doing something interesting with my life for when I find I’m running up that hill myself xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry Mel, I’ve been told God doesn’t make those kind of deals – mainly because He doesn’t have to. We don’t understand why He does what He does but His reasons are not ours to know.

    But what I do know is this: He might possibly give you half your wish – for what ever reasons only He will know, and I pray that will be to spare Arielle and still keep her dangerously deranged mother right here to enjoy the rest of both your lives. Or possibly to give the FBI a chance to catch up with you.

    P.S. I’ve know all those crazy facts about you for years but never saw them all together like that in one place…WOW!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow Melissa, what an incredible message…..and a joy to read….and how wonderful to have come to this place. I don’t think I would be able to find such humility as you…exchange my life for one of my children, absolutely…but no regrets? alas, I would have them. That however is today…and your message is a clear reminder to live fully each and every day, and break free of the constraints and ruts we (and sometimes others) place ourselves in. Love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for reading, I happy you’re still enjoying my rants. And you’re right, live each day fully and break free of ruts and constraints. Even the worst mistakes I’ve ever made taught me something! No regrets. Xxxxx


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s