After waiting and hour and a half, it was finally our turn! You kind of don’t mind your Oncologist being late when you know he’s giving the people ahead of you the highest level of quality care, compassion and empathy… especially when you know that when it’s your turn, you’ll receive that same!
“Prof” (aka Professor Seckl) is happy to see me there, or so he says… “Nice to see you here Mom… we have the A Team today!” When Arielle apologies for her “Mom” tagging along to the appointment, he says that if he were a mom, and his daughter was going through this… he’d be there too! (Score 1 for Mom)
It started out well enough, but then my brain started to struggle to comprehend what I thought I was hearing, because it wasn’t all “rainbows and unicorns,” like it had been during the past several weeks.
This is what I think I heard; the cancer markers are down from 78,000 to 50,000. This is good news, but not great news. The tumor is actually a bigger and is now pressing against the bladder and right kidney. (I’m not a professional “scan reader,” but from where I sat, the fucking thing is “pressing” against EVERYTHING, including her spine!) The cancerous bit of the mass, has reduced in size, but unfortunately not considerably.
“Everyone’s different,” he said. “Not everyone’s body responds the way we expect it to,” he said. “Chemo does not work the same on everyone.” Well fuck me, this isn’t sounding very good, I’m thinking to myself. Is this the same doctor who was so very OPTIMISTIC and sure of himself, for the past 8 weeks? He goes on to say that the time to get “it” out is sooner, rather than later! “Really, ya think?” I cant help saying to myself.
He reminds us that the reason the surgery was not performed 8 weeks ago was that the surgeon would most likely have taken “everything” out and the belief was that chemo would reduce the mass enough to allow it (and the bad ovary) to be removed easily (leaving the rest of the reproductive bits intact) was what we all wanted to believe! This might still happen… but now, we’re not so sure.
He went on to talk about surgery, surgeons, hospitals, timeframes and potential future chemotherapy treatments. All I heard was Charlie Brown’s teacher.. blah, blah, blah, blah blah. I watched as tears fell down Arielle’s face and she asked, “Do I get to say that I’d rather live and be cancer free, more than I want to be able to have children?” I thought my heart would break, right there and then. (You need to know that all she has EVER wanted was to be married and have a shit-load of children. She became a teacher so that she could be home with her kids when school was out!)
I continued to listen, but felt as if I were having an out of body experience… and listening to this conversation, from afar. What I got was there will be more scams and a consultation with Prof and a surgeon this coming Friday and surgery will be scheduled for early next week.
That’s really all we know.
“The rest…” as they say, “is in God’s hands.”