After waiting and hour and a half, it was finally our turn! You kind of don’t mind your Oncologist being late when you know he’s giving the people ahead of you the highest level of quality care, compassion and empathy… especially when you know that when it’s your turn, you’ll receive that same!
“Prof” (aka Professor Seckl) is happy to see me there, or so he says… “Nice to see you here Mom… we have the A Team today!” When Arielle apologies for her “Mom” tagging along to the appointment, he says that if he were a mom, and his daughter was going through this… he’d be there too! (Score 1 for Mom)
It started out well enough, but then my brain started to struggle to comprehend what I thought I was hearing, because it wasn’t all “rainbows and unicorns,” like it had been during the past several weeks.
This is what I think I heard; the cancer markers are down from 78,000 to 50,000. This is good news, but not great news. The tumor is actually a bigger and is now pressing against the bladder and right kidney. (I’m not a professional “scan reader,” but from where I sat, the fucking thing is “pressing” against EVERYTHING, including her spine!) The cancerous bit of the mass, has reduced in size, but unfortunately not considerably.
“Everyone’s different,” he said. “Not everyone’s body responds the way we expect it to,” he said. “Chemo does not work the same on everyone.” Well fuck me, this isn’t sounding very good, I’m thinking to myself. Is this the same doctor who was so very OPTIMISTIC and sure of himself, for the past 8 weeks? He goes on to say that the time to get “it” out is sooner, rather than later! “Really, ya think?” I cant help saying to myself.
He reminds us that the reason the surgery was not performed 8 weeks ago was that the surgeon would most likely have taken “everything” out and the belief was that chemo would reduce the mass enough to allow it (and the bad ovary) to be removed easily (leaving the rest of the reproductive bits intact) was what we all wanted to believe! This might still happen… but now, we’re not so sure.
He went on to talk about surgery, surgeons, hospitals, timeframes and potential future chemotherapy treatments. All I heard was Charlie Brown’s teacher.. blah, blah, blah, blah blah. I watched as tears fell down Arielle’s face and she asked, “Do I get to say that I’d rather live and be cancer free, more than I want to be able to have children?” I thought my heart would break, right there and then. (You need to know that all she has EVER wanted was to be married and have a shit-load of children. She became a teacher so that she could be home with her kids when school was out!)
I continued to listen, but felt as if I were having an out of body experience… and listening to this conversation, from afar. What I got was there will be more scams and a consultation with Prof and a surgeon this coming Friday and surgery will be scheduled for early next week.
That’s really all we know.
“The rest…” as they say, “is in God’s hands.”
rantings of a madwoman 
Oh Melissa, I’m so sorry it did not go as well as it might and I’m so sorry for Arielle for what she is facing, in every sense. It sounds great that the surgery will be soon – that’s a big milestone right? As ever, you will both meet the next steps with courage and grace – and all along the way you have my (our, in fact) love and kindest wishes for the speediest of recoveries xxx
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Thanks Cija (and Greg), yes, I’m just sort of numb. I had hoped for better news, but it is what it is. Surgery is a BIG milestone and I’m happy it’s next week! xxx
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Melissa, This is GAIL. I am happy you are blogging..very good for the mind. Arielle is a brave woman and her coming to terms with having a good life without kids rather than a shorter one with….is all GOOD. My thoughts and hopes are with you. Keep writing so we can keep listening….Love you, GAIL
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Dear Gail, Thanks for finding and reading my rantings… It’s just a much easier way of keeping me sane and everyone else updated on what’s going on. Love you you and Ed! xxx PS Sorry I missed you birthday
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I can’t imagine the stress and fear and sadness you are feeling knowing all this revolves around your precious daughter, the one you have to watch endure it all. Its not a good feeling …helplessness. Always praying that He will become more real to you than anything on earth. That’s where the power is, alone. Always praying period. I can look at your little photo and see a beautiful smile..captured at a good moment. But imagine your face is reflecting all that you are carrying and worrying about now. I know its still beautiful, regardless, but pain comes through. I know many wish they could be there to shoulder some of this with you, I know I do. But you have a fabulous husband who I am sure is your ‘earthly’ rock through all of this.
love you M
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Love you right back Sandi… you hit the nail on the head in so many ways. xxxx
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xxxx
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Hey lovely , Yep not what u needed to hear but hopefully this operation will go well which is by far the most important . Sending you shit loads of love n hugs xxx
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Wow! I just received several shit loads of love! How cool is that! Love back at ya sister!
PS I was in Dorset this weekend and we drove past the Rose Cottage on the way to the Golden Peak. Good memories! We had a good time, huh?
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Melissa, as I read today’s blog I started having flashbacks… As I reflect on “the process” that we went through, I now realize the magnitude of it all. Anissa’s process was the reverse of Arielle’s…she had the surgery first, followed by the chemo and radiation treatments. All I can tell you is to continue to be there for Arielle, while we continue to pray for healing over here. Please do whatever you can to assure her that she will have many other options for being a mother with children BEFORE she goes into surgery. xoxo
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That is true Dottie I never thought of it like that… you had same process the other way around. And I can and will be there for her… because people like you have been keeping me strong and have been there for me. Thanks for that. xxx
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Not much left to say that hasn’t been said. I can only reiterate that prayers and love are in abundance from all of your family and friends. I wish I could help ease the burden and pain, but that is not mine to do. That is for our Father who can and will as we pray for Him to hold you up in His Love and Strength.
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Please keep those prayers and that love coming… xxxx
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Wrapping you in hugs, Lois
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Thank you. xxx
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