Big girls don’t cry. That’s the rule. You know why? Because Frankie Valley and the Four Fucking Seasons said so, that’s why.
I’m 5 feet, 10 inches tall. I weigh 165 pounds (or 11.78 stone). I am a big girl… of that, there is little doubt! So can someone please tell me why I am crying and more importantly, why I cant stop?
Is it because Nick’s upcoming 50th birthday (September 19th) is all messed up and it’s my fault? Probably. Is it because I’m a terrible wife and mother who’s apparently “annoying” all the fucking time? Perhaps. Is it because September 14th is the 6th year anniversary of my brother Charlie’s death? Possibly. Is it because I have not really allowed myself to cry in the past 8 weeks and all these tears have to go somewhere? Could be. Maybe it’s because my kid has fucking cancer and there is NOTHING I can do about it, and that’s driving me mad! More than likely.
Today has not been a good day. Tears, tears, tears and more fucking tears. Please do not feel sorry for me!!!! If anything, tell me to “shut the fuck up!”
I don’t know, maybe it’s because after 8 long weeks, Arielle’s surgery is finally scheduled… for Monday, September 15th, and I’m scared to death. The surgery will take place in Margate, not London. (Funny, we lived in Margate, Florida until she was like 15) The London surgeon has no availability next week and it cant wait, so Margate it is. She will have scans and her hospital pre-op consultation tomorrow and then her consultation with the Oncologist and Surgeon on Friday. I guess surgery will be first thing Monday
I really wish someone would PLEASE wake me up from this horrible nightmare, because I really don’t think I can take much more of this.
…and here come the tears again.
Really Melissa? Really?