It’s only a ride!

roller coaster 3

I never liked Roller Coasters as a kid. Didn’t like the slow, labored sound of the click, click, click as the cart crawled up, up, up… I knew that strained, rhythmic clatter would soon be replaced by that terrifying and inevitable, vertical fall! And if that didn’t make me pee your pants, there were those nasty, hard corners that unexpectedly turned up, throwing my body up against the wall of the metal, open topped casket, forcing my left (or right) elbow deep into my rib cage, spleen and kidney.

Learning, early on, I didn’t like walking around the fair ground in wet underpants, I’d stand on the ground, usually alone, looking up at this huge wooden structure and wait… I’d listen to the click, click click and then to the bloodcurdling screams (and laughter) of my friends who dared to ride this death trap!

No, Roller Coasters were not my thing. I was more of a Tilt-a-Whirl kind of gal. A semi-enclosed metal cart, that you got locked into, and it spun around, on wheels, on a metal roller.  All the time the very base that the roller was affixed to, was also spinning around. {Ooo… dizzy thinking about it!}

Hmm? Had I known the rest of my life would end up being the epitome of an (emotional) roller coaster, I may have tried a little harder to actually enjoy the coaster of death. Maybe, I would have have gotten used to the feelings of intense highs followed by the extreme lows and those corners that you never saw coming, but kicked the shit out of you anyway. Maybe I could have gotten used to peeing my pants and just continuing on…

Had I tried just a little bit harder (instead of being such a “wuss”) I might be a little better at this ride we call life.

Instead, I just struggle.


  1. It’s not brave if you’re not scared, and there’s a world of difference in not facing up to a scary ride that you don’t have to ride and that has no tangible benefit for you, and facing up to the scary ride of life where you don’t have a choice in the direction you are flung. No amount of fairgrounds would make your job any easier now. You are doing amazing and from Monday the twists and turns should get easier to handle and the next stage will be in your sights. Warm, healing wishes as always xxxx

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  2. Hey i think u have all the strength to ride it if u had to just as your doing right now but with añ admirable honesty . Lots of love n hugs great lady xx

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  3. I have never been able to stomach any ride whatsoever. I get sick if my husband reverses too quickly. He has learnt to warn me beforehand and now I cope. It’s the not knowing that’s the hardest.

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  4. I LOVE roller coasters, but this ride you’re on would put me in the nut house. I read all your blogs with heartfelt compassion. I can’t say I know how you feel (thankfully) but the way you express the emotions of this experience makes feel your pain. Each time I read you blogs my eyes well up, you know the kind of tears that just overflow the eyelids, blur your vision, then plop on you lap. My thoughts are with Arielle. Even that scary roller coaster cruises in for a smooth and safe return. I hope today went well (it’s almost 6 PM here) so you both can get off this ride.

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