Several people, who read yesterday’s post (“Let Her Sleep”) commented on what an incredible and insightful Mom I had been to have intuitively known that Arielle needed space and to so simply and graciously step away…. I believe my exact words were “As much as I want to chat and make a fuss over her…. I will let her be.”
I’m sorry to say, it was a lie. Well, it’s not a “lie” exactly, but it’s certainly not an accurate account of the truth.
I should have seen it coming… it had been brewing for weeks. I had noticed she had been making little comments, disagreeing with me on just about everything, correcting me and purposefully disregarding my opinions about her medical situation (and pretty much everything else!)
You see, somehow in the last 3 months I lost sight of the fact that my daughter is a 31 year old, very capable, self sufficient woman. In my mind, cancer had turned back the clock and she became that little girl who needed me again. I was “Mom,” here to protect her, take care of her, make everything better. Somehow in my excitement to get my old job back, I smothered her, disempowered her, took away what little control she had.
I’m not incredible or insightful. I’m not a clever, new age, guru, Mom who has it all figured out. I’m just a Mom who’s love for her children is sometimes blinding. It’s that “Mother’s Love” that takes over and puts everything just a little bit out of focus. It’s the purest love there is, but it has it’s faults.
Note to self: