After 24 hours of quiet, sad, introspective thought… I think I may have figured it out!
As much as I hate to admit it, I have no control, over anything. And it’s that realization, that kicks me in the gut and sucks the life out of me, every once in awhile.
As children we fear nothing. We are immortal. Nothing can touch us. However, as we grow older, we start to realize that we’re not so immortal and that death, sickness and sorrow could find us at any time. So we comfort ourselves with the fallacy that we can control events. We convince ourselves that we have control over our health, relationships, children, careers, finances etc. etc. etc. When in actuality, we control nothing (except perhaps our emotions. And most of us don’t do a good job of controlling those!)
We wake up everyday and assume we’ll make it safely through the day, see our loved ones at dinner and all will be right with the world. We assume we won’t be hit by a car, be in an car accident or get a flat tire. We believe our house won’t burn down while we’re away. The skyscraper won’t be attacked by terrorist; our children won’t be gunned down while in their classroom; and that our closest relatives won’t be diagnosed with cancer.
Control, we believe we have it and we cling to that fantasy.
Unfortunately, little by little things happen in our lives to rock this belief. Our children make their own choices. Parents die. Divorce happens. People get made redundant. Brother’s die and cancer continues finds those you love.
I have no control. I’ve never had control.
And I’m sorry to say, neither do you.