You Have No Control

such thing

After 24 hours of quiet, sad, introspective thought… I think I may have figured it out!

As much as I hate to admit it, I have no control, over anything.  And it’s that realization, that kicks me in the gut and sucks the life out of me, every once in awhile.

As children we fear nothing.  We are immortal. Nothing can touch us.  However, as we grow older, we start to realize that we’re not so immortal and that death, sickness and sorrow could find us at any time.  So we comfort ourselves with the fallacy that we can control events.  We convince ourselves that we have control over our health, relationships, children, careers, finances etc. etc. etc.  When in actuality, we control nothing (except perhaps our emotions. And most of us don’t do a good job of controlling those!)

We wake up everyday and assume we’ll make it safely through the day, see our loved ones at dinner and all will be right with the world.  We assume we won’t be hit by a car, be in an car accident or get a flat tire. We believe our house won’t burn down while we’re away. The skyscraper won’t be attacked by terrorist; our children won’t be gunned down while in their classroom; and that our closest relatives won’t be diagnosed with cancer.

Control, we believe we have it and we cling to that fantasy.

Unfortunately, little by little things happen in our lives to rock this belief. Our children make their own choices. Parents die. Divorce happens. People get made redundant. Brother’s die and cancer continues finds those you love.

I have no control. I’ve never had control.

And I’m sorry to say, neither do you.

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9 thoughts on “You Have No Control

  1. I want to hug you tight and I want to smack you silly. You have every right to be angry and upset but not to give up!

    I know you’re tired and defeated right now, but remember the rush you had with Arielle’s victory. Don’t forget it because you want to be able to recognize it when hopefully you get the same rush with Tommy. Don’t give up Mel, not yet.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melissa – you don’t have control, but you have miles of friends!!!!! This sucks!!! But I will help any way I can!!!!! My brother in law did beat lung cancer. Tommy can too. I will help you and Tommy any way I can!!! Love ya

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  3. You’re so right, depressing though it may be…but we should and must continue pushing the rock up the hill…life goes on with all of it’s trials and tribulations….but there are wondrous moments as well, to be appreciated…and thank God for those!

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  4. Oh Melissa – I think you’ve just tapped into one of the fundamental struggles in life..and a black & white fact that we have so much difficulty coming to terms with – I know I do too! I so know that feeling – that total lack of control over anything – it so easily can send you into a spiral of panic and depression. In some ways I think it has to be a positive thing when we are forced to come face to face with it, it helps us realise that it’s futile to try and fix things but serves as just another bloody lesson in letting go. That doesn’t mean I’m any better at it…. but we can but try (or *not* try, I guess! ;-))… sending you lots of thoughts and support and strength (and remember too that there is strength in vulnerability!) xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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