Homeward Bound

It’s time. The move is complete; Christmas is over; the New Year is here; our anniversary has been celebrated… it’s time to go home.

I haven’t been to my hometown of Worcester, Massachusetts in over 3 years.  There’s really no good reason for that other than the fact that most of my family are gone now;  my friends are spread out all over the world;  and when I have traveled back to the states, I traveled to Florida, to visit my daughter and grandchildren.

My brother, Tommy, was always supposed to come here…. to visit us, in England.  I often thought about how much fun it was going to be showing him around Brighton in the height of one of our amazing summers!  I imagined how much he’d love it here!  We’d stop at a few of the really authentic, traditional pubs and have a few laughs over a “pie and a pint.”  We’d take him to Seven Sisters and maybe down to Cornwall to my favorite place, Tintagel!  I’d watch him “freak out” over how beautiful and magnificent the sights and sounds of the British coastline can be. We’d walk into the North Laines on a hot, busy summer Saturday and he’d really appreciate the diversity around him and the way nobody cares what you look like, how you’re dressed or who you’re holding hands with. There would some lovely late evening conversations, while we walked along Hove beach, as the summer sun set in the distance.  He’d be shocked that it was still light out at 10:00 pm and how many people there were still milling about on the lawns.

I always imagined the fun and lovely times we’d have here… but, it looks like we may not get the chance to make those memories.

As I sit here, comfortably writing this blog, he is struggling to breath.  He is feeling the effects of Stage 3 lung cancer and suffering from almost 6 weeks of radiation and chemo.  I have a horrible feeling that he is in a very bad way.  Hopefully I am totally wrong, but I just cant take the chance.

Funny, we always think there will be more time, don’t we?  We fool ourselves into thinking that we can put most anything off until later. Sure, there will be time to travel, time to relax, time to play, time to find our bliss, time to catch up with an old friend, time to forgive… and we’ll even find time later to love.  However, I have to say, that in my 60 years on this earth, “later” has ALWAYS come (and GONE) way sooner than I ever expected! “Poof,” later was gone. I missed out on a lot of opportunities, experiences, friendships and love believing I’d get to it, later.

So, for the past two months I have been telling myself “I’ll go home later.”  Later, when the weather is better; when I have my UK driving license; when I have more money, but, as my Mom used to say “Time and tide wait for no man.” (I just realized she also used to say “The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” which is also very applicable in this particular situation! Hmmm!  My Mom was a really smart lady!)

So I guess today’s lesson is; Carpe diem. Sieze the day; dont put off till tomorrow what you can (and should) do today.

I will, seize the day and (as a good friend said to me this morning) I will go meet my brother in the place where he is, not the place I want him to be.

Love and light