Confessions of a Death Doula: (The Admission)


I am a Death Doula without a Death Plan.

“Imposter!” I hear you scream.

You’re right.

I am a fraud (at least in this one teeny, tiny, respect!)

I know, you’ve listened to me go on an on about “planning” and “documenting” and “being prepared” for your death.  I’ve gone on endlessly about making sure your loved ones know what you want (and don’t want!), so that when the time does come (especially if it comes unexpectedly!) you will have communicated your wishes and hopefully have the end of life experience (or after death service/celebration) you really want.

And here I sit, the charlatan that I am, with a bunch of random, unorganized thoughts rumbling around inside my head!

Well today… today I am openly and publicly righting that wrong!

…but first, can I just say, in my defense, it’s not that I haven’t thought a lot about my final days and how I’d like them to go. I  have, almost to the point of nauseam.  And in all fairness I do have a pretty good idea of how I want things to go down.  However, I (like perhaps you!) have been remiss in actually documenting all of those really good ideas.  And “yes,” I know, they’re not doing anybody any good rattling around inside my (or your!) head.

So this is Part 1, The Admission.

In the coming days (barring the 9 days I’ll be away on holiday… because let’s face it, even I don’t want to think about death while I’m on holiday!) I will publicly document my detailed Death Plan.  

I’ll describe how and where I’d like to spend my final days… what it looks like and feels like in that space, what music I’d like, who I’d like to be there (perhaps who I don’t want to be there and why).  I’ll try to describe, in detail, all of the sights, sounds, and smells I’d like surrounding me. And, in addition, what I want to happen after I’ve died.

Keep in mind all of what I document is subject to change and that’s “OK”  I will document what I believe I want at this particular point in time,  if I were to die today.  However, who knows, maybe the Bay City Rollers, “Bye Bye Baby (Baby Goodbye) won’t be the tune I ultimately want you all humming as you leave my service site! …but if it were to happen today, take it away Bay City Rollers!

My apologies for asking you to do something that I had not carved out the time to achieve myself, that was unfair of me.

So let’s set things straight and move on from here, shall we?

Watch this space.

Hmmm? I just had a sobering thought… I could potentially choke to death on holiday, while drinking some fabulous French red wine and never get to finish this piece.  That would mean that my daughters will then be in charge of everything (because yes, if I go I’m taking Nick with me!).  That would mean our service and the entire shabang will be in their hands!



  1. You are too funny, even when talking about death. I had to laugh at the “who you don’t want there” part. I have given my kids instructions about who I do not want at my final services (with the threat of coming back to haunt them if they go against my wishes). Have a good “holiday”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Linda!!! I get it!!!! I do! …but I’m more worried about being in a Nursing Home or Hospice, in my final days, having to listen to someone that perhaps I didn’t like listening to when I was healthy and alive! It’s complicated! xxxx


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