If it wasn’t for bad luck…


I believe the lyrics are, ” If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all.”

Not an entirely true statement, but humour me; it’s 4:14 in the morning, I’m wide awake and I’m feeling rather dramatic and a bit forlorn.

I won’t readily admit that I’m taking my newly confirmed diagnosis badly, but let’s just say you might feel more comfortable in the company of a peckish Jeffrey Dahmer.  {Look him up young ones!} 

Last night’s appointment with the specialist, Rheumatologist was a blessing and a curse.

On one hand, it was enlightening to learn that there is consensus;  four, different healthcare professionals concur, that I do have both Polymyalgia Rheumatica (PMR) and Giant Cell Arteritis (GCA).  

However, on the other hand, there was a part of me that really believed this was all a ruse, and I’d once again hear those words, “Oh, it’s just a virus.  If it’s not gone in 10 days…” 

These two “linked,” auto-immune, inflammatory conditions affect different parts of the body, but are frequently discussed together because PMR occurs in about 50 percent of people with GCA; and GCA occurs in approximately 10 to 15 percent of people with PMR.

Did I just hit a perfecta?  Well, the  odds were 50/50, so I guess it’s not that remarkable! 

Where PMR is an inflammatory, rheumatic condition characterised by severe aching and morning stiffness in the shoulders, hip girdle, and neck; GCA is characterised as a vasculitis of  large and medium-sized vessels and can involve the aorta and blah, blah, blah… I’m bored already.

Honestly…  I do not think I have time for this in my life!  “Is there someone I can discuss this  with?  A manager? Someone?  Anyone? “

There is a certain amount of vindication (quite a bit actually, now that I think of it!) soaring through my inflamed arteries at the moment!

Which feels rather… satisfying.

Over the past couple of years there have been more and more trips to the GP with complaints of various aches and pains.

I can hear me saying, “Look I know I’m in my EARLY 60’s, but this just doesn’t seem normal!”  He’d just give me that sweet, condescending smile; while telepathically patting me on the knee in the most annoying and patronising manner EVER.  

Ahhhh, but looky here, Dr Superior! 

There was something going on!  My inability to walk without pain in my hips, my need to develop the rather clever technique of turning my whole body around, to see over my shoulder, the utter exhaustion for no reason, and those horrible shooting pains down my legs when I was sitting on the couch resting, were NOT normal signs of OLD AGE!

It was f**king Poly-what-ever-you-call-it!

“I told you so.”           

Well, that felt good, but I have to admit much shorter lived than I would have liked…  : (

I really hate to be Polly Anna Pity here, but it’s seriously disheartening to think that a mere 30 days ago, I left the confines of our trendy, Brighton flat, and went off to work;  in less than 10 hours later, I returned home, a woman forever transformed.

I am not sure what this transformation will bring, but I will get to the point where I embrace it and accept it with open arms…  just let me bitch a little bit more.

I’ll come around, just give me some time.



  1. Wow, what a blessing, finally getting the right diagnoses, but what a bitch finding out just what the hell is causing the pain and suffering!! I hope they can put together a firm, satisfactory and helpful treatment program that works wonders for you! Bitch all you want, your friends are here to listen and support throughout whatever happens! Much love, (will answer your IM later), Lois

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, Melissa, sorry to hear you are going through more tough times and great to have a diagnosis after hype frustration of knowing that something wasn’t right.

    There are very few conditions that hot yoga isn’t good for, and when and if you’re ready, I’d definitely recommend it. Happy to join you sometime if you’d like to try it xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So sorry to read this. So is there treatment? What is next? I know you have the strength to face this thing head on strong! I remember you with awe as an amazingly fierce woman! So many years ago. And I see by your posts that you have only gotten stronger and wiser. Sending love and healing light. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, how lovely. Thank you! (Is this Carrie Cohen or Carrie from Amex?) The only treatment is high dose steroids (tapering off as you get more and more well)
      which come with their own set of issues… it is manageable, which I’ll take! My pain and frustration is more about the ageing process and coming to grips with my mortal self… silly as that sounds. I’m good with dying… it the part between here and there that scares the shit out of me!


  4. just want to say please pardon typos from me. this fucking stuff is fucking with my fucking vision. and wow do i love being able to type those words. probably shouldnt just go outside and yell FUCK YOU! as people walk by. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s