Dear Anonymous…

 Is that “magnificent” enough for you?

You recently left feedback on my blog site that said:

“Hey, you used to write magnificent, but the last few posts have been kinda boring?  I miss your tremendous writings. Past few posts are just a bit out of track! come on!” 

“Fair enough,” I thought!

The feedback was much appreciated and I actually went back to you, straight away, asking specific questions; trying to get a better idea of what you thought had changed and how I might turn things around.

Was it the subject matter? 

Was it the fact that I may have lost some of my anger?

Which posts did you think were really good, verses which ones not so good? 

You made your penetrating observation on April 14th at 7:25 am; I responded on April 14th at 7:27 am.  I’m thinking, you were probably still on-line when I responded!  It’s now April 16th and still nothing from you…  Is that really all I’m going to get?

No additional words of wisdom? No tried and true blueprint for “How to be a Better  Writer,” or cunning tricks of the trade, teaching me how to “Grab Your Reader?” 

Well, you’ve let me down.

And by the way… what’s with the “Anonymous” anyway?  Did you have to change your User Name or create a whole new profile, just to leave that feedback for me, or are you always Anonymous? 

Does using that label allow you the anonymity you need and give you the balls to say what you think, without really putting yourself out there?  Does it provide just the right amount of refuge, so that you feel empowered to speak your mind, but not vulnerable and exposed to any comeback you might receive?

Look… I really do apologise that you have found my blog posts “boring,” of late.  It may have something to do with the fact that my life is fucking boring! 

Think about it…

I go nowhere.

I do nothing.

I see no one.  

Not sure how much you know about what having a chronic illness is like… but I gotta tell ya, it’s not fun, interesting or entertaining in any way.  You don’t get to turn it on and off, at will.  You don’t get to control the extent to which you will or will not be impacted by it.

It “controls” you.

It violently seizes you, by the back of the head, pushes you to your knees and tells you to get on with it…  You don’t get to bargain or negotiate.

It tells you when, it tells you where and it tells you for how long.

You just submit.

So yeah, I guess if a few of my posts were “… just a bit out of track,”  I may have been a little preoccupied getting fucked by one of my two, chronic, auto-immune illnesses.  Or perhaps it was from the vile side effects caused by the toxic corticosteroids I’m taking; or the obscene withdrawal symptoms I experience, every time I reduce my dosage. 

Oh… and just so you know, I don’t write for anyone but myself!

I write to get all the anger, fear and resentment out of my head, so that I don’t end up imploding!  If you read it and like it, I’m happy with that.  If you read it and you don’t like it; well, I’m sorry my words didn’t resonate with you.  Maybe next time.

I will suggest to you that if you want to give someone “constructive” feedback, you might want to follow through.  Providing vague, half-assed, glib gibberish is not helpful.  It’s a waste of your time and it’s a waste of my time.

You want me to “…come on,” well give me something I can sink my teeth into.

You know “magnificent?”  

You miss “tremendous?” 

Then, please, by all means, point the way…