I submit…

We were 32 hours into 2019 and as I opened my eyes, I knew something was dreadfully wrong. I felt God awful and semi-paralysed. “Ohhh, of course… it’s New Year’s Day! …but wait, I didn’t drink!”   I couldn’t have a hangover, because I didn’t ring in the new year with a bottle of bubbly, or glasses of wine… not even a G&T!

I was drinking f**king tea all night!  

As I got up and started to walk to the bathroom, I realised this was more than a headache from hell, my neck was stiff as a board and every muscle in my body was screaming out in pain; like I had run a marathon and was hit by a truck, while running!    

Now, I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I caught on pretty quickly, that this was more than a New Year’s Day “hang-over flash-back!”  This was yet another vile, sinister, demonic, heinous virus from loins of Satan himself!   

WTF?

Okay, sure, why not? It had been a full 9 days since I had felt the crippling effects of the (14 day) gastrointestinal contamination! So surely it was time to be sick again!  Right?

I went back to bed and slept for the next 24 hours. I ate nothing and barley managed to take my Pred, with a half a glass of water. I remember thinking, “Let it eat my stomach lining, who gives a shit…”  As I closed my eyes, I prayed to die. Obviously, I didn’t.

Over the past 1 year, 1 month, 21 days, and 17 + hours, I have had many people (very kindly) tell me how strong, resilient, and tough I am. How I seem to face each adversity with humour and an inner rage that somehow renders it weak, powerless and benign. I have been applauded and congratulated on my pseudo-victories over pain, illness, viruses, accidents, set-backs, disabilities, etc.

And for that, I thank you all, from the bottom of my heart… but as Roberto Duran said on November, 25th, 1980…

“NO MAS”

I submit.

I surrender.

I give up.

I have nothing left. No rage. No “rants.” No strength. No anger, wrath, outrage, indignation, resentment, bitterness, rancour, or hostility. I am a beaten women.

I raise the “white flag.”

Let Satan and his band of demons feast on my broken and battered body… let them drink my tainted blood and suck on my decaying bones till their heart’s are content.

Happy F**king New Year!

Come on 2019… take me, I’m yours!

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8 Comments

  1. I feel so bad for you–and have no words except I hope you feel better soon; you’ve been through so much. Please keep us posted as to your progress–you will progress, I’m sure. Hang in there, we need your humor!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, the s*** just keeps coming! I would have given up months ago so seeing you finally laying down your sword just showed your human side. Now, of course, you get to recharge, rethink, reenergize and SLOWLY begin to move forward with all of us sissies cheering you on from the side lines! Just keep watching the US news, that’s enough to make us all give up💋

    Liked by 1 person

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