There’s Nowt so Queer as Folk

First of all, let me be crystal clear by proclaiming that I am not, nor have I ever been, a Poster Child for “normality.”

In fact, I have so many foibles, shortcomings and peculiarities, that if you look in the dictionary under “Synonyms,” for any of those words, you will literally find a photograph of ME!

And one might think, that being an extrovert, interacting with people from all walks of life, being on this earth for over 64 years, living on two different continents, and having traveled to more than 12 countries, I might have (as they say) “seen it all,”  …but alas, I confess, I have not.

I should have see it coming, but the Universe, once again, schooled me, with a rather harsh lesson: there truly is “nowt so queer as folk,”  

{For those unfamiliar with the early 20th century, Northern England colloquialism; it is used to emphasise that people sometimes behave in very strange and unexpected ways! Or, if you want to shine a more positive light on it; it takes all kinds of people, to make world go round!}

This “lesson” was revisited, when I recently took on a new endeavour. I decided to create an on-line discussion/forum/group/page “thingy” (I believe that’s the technical term) …anyway my hope was that it would be a fun and interesting project, that would occupy my time and keep me busy through the cold, grey, windy Brighton winter weeks; while I recuperated from my upcoming knee replacement surgery.

Please know, in my heart of hearts, I truly believe my intentions, were (and still are) honest and pure.

I am not discontented or disgruntled with the several outstanding forums/pages/on-line discussion groups, in which I am currently active; nor was it my intent to pilfer members from these other sites, or persuade them to defect to the dark side.

The idea, simply came about as I was thinking about things I could do, whilst laying on the couch, getting legally high on prescribed pain killers, between PT sessions.

My perception (Hey, Maureen Lukenbill, you were right, my perception, really is my reality) and my reality was, that I encountered more than my fair share of resentment, indignation and exasperation from many people (friends?) on one of the more popular (and well membered) sites, that I frequent!

Now call me naive (simple, gullible, unsuspecting, ignorant, stupid even), but I was gobsmacked by the backlash I received! “I mean after all, this was a just a harmless, innocuous, semi-creative idea, right?”

The (mostly negative) reactions, went on for ages. The comments and feedback just kept pouring in, non-stop for two days. Sure, a lot of people simply accepted the idea openly; and a few people responded by saying, “Thank you for the invitation, but no thanks, I’m not interested,” which I totally respected!

However, many of the comments contained long, detailed, and very emotive explanations of why “so-and-so” would NOT be joining me in my new venture. Some predicted (this new on-line group) would most certainly have huge negative impacts on the much loved and sacred platform, we were currently using. While others presented elaborate prophecies and visions, of it’s outright annihilation!

Well, of course me… being me; with all my many foibles, shortcomings, peculiarities, felt compelled to reach out, to each and every one of these people, in an attempt to alleviate their fears and to justify, rationalise, vindicate, and legitimise my idea!

“No, I’m not trying to destroy what we have.”

No, I’m not interested in stealing people away from this site… who am I, fucking Kevin Systrom?

“No, no, it’s not INSTEAD of, it’s in ADDITION to!”

“…but, are you aware that here are already at least 4 or 5 other “dedicated” sites out there?”

“You’re not in any way obliged to join, no! … it’s just another option.”

Again (and this is my perception) everything I said, fell on deaf ears.

I guess people (including me) hear what we want to hear. We read words that are not written; and we don’t see words that are plainly written, on the page, in black & white. We hear things that were never said; and vehemently deny hearing things that were quite clearly spoken.

We (and I include myself in the “we”) are so wrapped up in our own trivial, inconsequential lives, that we often don’t see the bigger picture. We are so afraid of change and anything that is new or different, we inadvertently squeeze all of the life out of the things that we love, just trying to hold onto to them.

How futile, and how sad.

We can’t stop change.

We cant stop change anymore than we can stop death. Ahhh, could that be it, right there? Do we subconsciously believe that if we STOP everyday things, like friendships, routines, habits, websites, relationships, etc. from changing, that maybe we CAN postpone or put off our own death?

Hmmm? Just food for thought… I’m not Dante, Nietzsche or Plato, I just know that sometimes people’s reaction to things (and I am not excluding myself from this belief/observation) are much more visceral than the “thing” itself actually warrants!

Sometimes, there may be more there… more than meets the eye and we’re just not seeing it.

“Change is a bad thing.” I believe we (especially as we get older), need to actively fight against the tendency to believe this statement, as true, because it is NOT!

Our personal preference with, or comfort level with one thing or another is not the ultimate litmus test for it’s usefulness, practicality, or significance. Options can be good. Change can be good. Diversity can be good.

I believe, we (especially those of in the later chapters of out lives) should embrace fluidity and accept change as a natural, inevitable fact of life!

If we don’t, we risk strangling the life out of the very thing(s) that we’re trying so desperately to hold onto.

None so queer as folk… including me.


  1. In Moonstruck, Rose Castorini queries, “Why do men chase women?” She believes it’s because they’re afraid of dying. When Johnny Cammareri, unknowing of Rose’s hypothesis, answers “It’s because men fear death”, Rose elatedly points at Johnny and yells “That’s it!”
    The next morning at breakfast, with the entire family present, she confronts her cheating husband, Cosmo, and says…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amazing! How did you know??? One of my most favourite movies and scenes!👏🏻 Thank you!!!

      I just want you to know no matter what you do, you’re gonna die, just like everybody else.

      Cosmo Castorini:
      Thank you, Rose.


    1. Hi, Thanks.. It is just another group on FB… If you search under PMR you’ll see “PMR/GCA …because sometimes you have to laugh to keep yourself from crying” that’s us!!!


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