The Death of Two Ex’s

Goodbye

I’m no rocket scientist, but I believe the odds of a woman losing BOTH of her ex-husbands, within a 48 hour period, have to be astronomical!  Right? 

And I don’t mean “lost,” as in cannot be found, I mean “lost”, as in they both died.  

Seriously, think about it for a moment…  losing more than one friend or family member, within a two or even three month period, would be an unfortunate oddity, at best.

 A fluke. 

A weird coincidence. 

Bad juju.

But having two people, who you once loved (were married too and had children with) both DIE within a 48 of each other, is simply inconceivable.

It is just NOT to be believed. 

…but as sure as I am sitting here writing this, it happened and it happened to me. 

Although it’s been a couple weeks now, and the initial shock has worn off, the acceptance has yet to come. The reality, that these two people no longer walk the face of this earth, has really not sunk in.  

When I stop and think about it, I suddenly realise neither of them is sitting comfortably in his respective home, watching TV, or reading a book, or thanking God he is no longer married to me.  

He (they) are just gone. 

I can no longer pick up the phone and talk to either one of them…. about anything…  ever.

If one of my daughters gets ill, or worse, I have no one to call and tell.  When I die, who will be there to dance on my grave and wear red!    

Although I had not seen either of these men in years, I knew they existed; they were out there, somewhere, living good lives. They were happy, with family and friends.

They had however, in a time long ago, been part of me and part of my life and my family. We had lived together. Shared Christmases and Thanksgivings, birthdays and summer holidays. They knew my Mom & Dad and had been friends with both my brothers.  We had a child  together!  They each had been a big part of my life.

However, as things sometimes have a tendency to go haywire, we (all of us) had gone a bit crazy. 

 We eventually went our separate ways and built very different lives for ourselves. We all knew however, that our lives were forever woven together by two strong, beautiful, insightful women; our daughters.  No matter what happened, we were linked for eternity. 

Each daughter (more like her father than she’d ever care to admit) lost their biological father within the blink of an eye. And their reactions were as different as night and day (chalk and cheese as they say). People grieve differently, for sure!      

And me? 

Well I was left holding the proverbial “bag!”

The ex wife bag of emotions: grief, resentment, anger, love, regret, caring, guilt, etc.  You name it, I had it in the bag. And it’s tough experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, for a man (men) you don’t even know anymore, while trying to remain strong, brave and stoic for your children.

Slowly, but surely I am emptying that bag, and as I take each memory or feeling out to examine it, it simply dissolves in my hand… like a piece of ice.  I look and there’s nothing to be examined, regretted or be angry about.  

All the “wrongs” that I believed had been done to me, and all the wrongs that I felt I had done,  just don’t seem so bad anymore. They are slowly disappearing. Liquefying.  Who knows maybe they never actually existed at all. 

It’s like my ex’s husbands have lovingly taken all the ugliness and cruelty  with them… and they’ve left me with the only thing that really matters… my two amazing daughters, who I will love and cherish until the day I die.

I wish both of these men peace and hope their journey (which I am sure will be as individual as each of them was) is short, safe and uneventful. I hope they are met by their friends and family and welcomed into their new reality with nothing but love and open arms. 

In my own way, I will miss each of them quite a bit…. 

10 Comments

  1. What beautiful words, Melissa , just remember to take care of yourself, Nick and all the rest of your family. No-one knows what’s around the corner! Love Janet xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Me too Melissa. A few years between their deaths but I can still relate to your feelings. They were my friends and my witnesses. Jonathan died at the age of 37 the day after I had been sobbing over the Princess of Wales’s death in 1997. The real thing was so different. One of those sudden heart things – hypertrophic Myocardiopathy.. Roger died in Australia of his heart too. My daughter had gone out to join him and organised his whole funeral as his girlfriend couldn’t cope. Another strange parallel. So sorry for your loss. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember us talking about some of this jane…. I can REALLY relate to your comment, “…they were my friends and my witnesses.” These to men knew me when…. knew my family, had been in my parents home….it’s like the last two people on earth who knew the “old” young me! ❤️

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  3. Momma that was really heartfelt. While I know your relationship with both our father’s was so different, yet they did have there similarities, you loved them. You loved them enough to marry them and enough to have children with them. The trials and tribulations you endured over the years, in many ways, helped me (your daughters) understand the importance of being with the right man. Not that they were bad men, just not the right men for you. So thank you for being our teacher. Yes, I loved my father deeply. In the past few years, I learned to see him not just as a father, but as my friend. I was able to move forward and build my relationship with him and am grateful to have had that opportunity. I can’t relate to the emotions you are going through in this sad and unusual circumstance, but know that I (we) would not be the strong, confident, independent women you have raised us to be if you weren’t one yourself. So thank you for being our mom!

    Liked by 1 person

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