…but I don’t feel old!

Yesterday was my birthday.

Supposedly, I turned sixty five years old. 65 years is 23,741 days or 569,784 hours. That’s a long fucking time!!!

Statistically, I’ve slept a total of about 7,914 days (give or take) which is 22 years! I’ve taken approximately 512,814,690 breaths, and my heart has (thankfully) beat about 2,461,510,512 times.

Unfreakinbelievable, right?

If I never cut my hair it would be about 27.2 feet long! (Had I known, I could be in Ripley’s Believe It or Not!)  

…but wait, there’s a problem here.

You see the thing is, this is absolutely and totally not possible! I’m 100% sure there’s been a terrible mistake, because I cannot be 65!

I know the “math” says I am, but I never trusted math and it is just not possible that I am closer to the end of my life, than I am to the beginning of it!

Some will disagree, but to me, 65 is old. And I’m NOT old, so there’s been a mistake! Hell, my Mom is like 65… well, she would be, if she were still alive. (Hmmm, if I do that stupid math again, she’d actually be about 98! See that’s why I don’t trust math!)

Sorry, I digress.

The point is, I’m the “baby” of the family. I’m the “youngest.” I’m Daddy’s “little girl,” Mom’s “little lady,” Tommy and Charlie’s bratty “little sister.” I’m at the very bottom of the “age” Totem Pole, always have been, and always will be.

This could not have happened.

The earliest recollection I have of my life, is my kindergarten class room. (Frank and Danny do you remember?) It was a large room with high ceilings and six big old, paned windows on two sides of the room. Each corner of the room was set up with specific activities. {Dolls, baby carriages, tea sets and dress up clothes, in one corner. Blocks, cars, trucks, plastic army men, cowboy hats and holsters (Yes, with toy guns!!) in another. A “book nook” and the art and craft supplies area, occupied the other other two corners.} The teachers desk was near one of the two huge classroom doors and there were tables and chairs in the middle for all of us kids. In the spring, the teacher would open the windows and you could feel the warm air and the scent of the lilac bushes drifting in, from the neighbourhood gardens.

That was like 30 years ago, right?

And it was at most, 20-25 years ago that I sat on the ground, in front of our house, under the huge oak tree; my butt wedged between the two big roots that had broken through the side walk, and were now perfectly placed as a seat with arm rests. I was eating a blue Popsicle, counting ants, and looking down Everard Street towards Belmont Street. I knew that any minute the # 24 bus would be pulling up to the bus stop. And as it pulled away, I’d see my Mom, standing there, waiting to cross Belmont Street the and walk up Everard Street to our house. I’d go running down the street to meet her… my mouth would be blue and all sticky, but she didn’t care; I’d get hugs and kisses anyway. I can still taste the Popsicle and feel her kisses on my cheek! …so there has to be a mistake!

I remember it all, like it was yesterday.

We’d walk to Jonnie’s Corner Store to buy penny candy and on Sunday’s to Nishe’s to buy homemade slices of square, thick, bready, pizza (with our Church offering money!) I remember sitting in “the apple tree” for hours, and going to Green Hill Park to feed the deer and the buffalo. In the winter we’d skate there. Well, my brother’s would skate there… I’d drag my ankles across the ice, util I couldn’t stand the pain anymore! In the summer we’d swim for hours, in Bell Pond; before going home to a baloney sandwich, some chips (Lay’s Potato Chips) and glass of milk.

I clearly remember my first car (1965 Rambler), my first kiss (Wally Williams), the first time I had sex (Chucky Bizzaro, may he RIP), the first time I smoked pot (you know who you are!). I also remember the day I moved out of my parents house into my own place (that’s a bittersweet memory). I remember it all, like it was yesterday!!!!

Wasn’t it just yesterday?

Yeah, okay… when I stop to think about it, I’ve had LOT of experiences and packed a whole lot of living, into my years. There was my amazingly fabulous childhood, which I wouldn’t trade for any other time in history! My wild and crazy, turbulent, experimental teenage years, which again was the best era ever! There were a few marriages, a couple kids, a few different homes (on two different continents) a hellava lot of travelling to countries that I never even dreamed of having the opportunity to travel to! Oh, the places I’ve seen, things I’ve done… things I should NOT have done!!!

I have had the honour of meeting and spending time with some strange, amazing, interesting, intelligent, crazy people. All I have liked, some I have loved, and a few I unfortunately grew to despise; but hey-ho, they have all added a little touch of magic to my essence and helped to make me the person I am today.

…but again, that’s all happened in like the last 30-35 years, hasn’t it?

Yeah, okay… I know (thinking logically) my oldest daughter is 42 and my youngest is 36, but that cant be right either! And sure… they tell me my first born grandson is 20 years old, but that’s impossible, if I’m only 35!!!!!

Somebody has totally fucked up this whole “time” thing (and unfortunately the only person who could fix it for me, Stephen Hawking, is gone!) I know, if I do the math, I’m 65 years old, but I swear… in my head, in my heart and in my soul I’m like thirty-something!!!

I don’t know where the time went?

I don’t know how to get it back.

I don’t know how to stop getting old.

Maybe the best thing I can do is to accept the possibility that what “they’re” telling me is true (sixty fucking five, *hmph*) and to live the rest of my life (however long that is) like I am thirty-something… or hell why not live it like I’m twenty-something?!

I’ll continue to be a young at heart, badass for as long as I can; and when my time comes, I hope I can pull off that “grace and dignity” thing… but if I can’t, then please expect a whole lot of kickin and screamin… because I’ll be thinking that it’s way too early, and there’s been a terrible mistake!

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A side note – This is the phenomenal birthday gift I received from my very thoughtful and generous husband. I fell in love with her the first time I laid eyes on her; she reminds me first of my mortality; but she also reminds me that there’s a whole lot of life left in this old girl yet!